Wednesday, August 10, 2011

trying to be better

The title of this blog is how I actually want to be, to be better.  I want to be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend and person.  I think each day is now an opportunity for me to improve myself.  Some days I may be successful at this and many days I know I won't.

In a marriage you need to constantly work on communication and understanding.  I definitely need to work on these two things.  As a mother I need to work on not being such a worrier.  I need to be more present with E and not run through the list of my worries and concerns.  I need to not obsess about his naps and getting him to nap in his crib (but I can't help myself).  I want to not be so scared of what will happen to our bond once he goes to daycare.  I just keep telling myself that we will make this work for our family and trust in the whole "change is good".

I just want to try and improve myself because I want to be the best possible me that I can.  I want to make E proud of me as his mother and J proud of me as his wife.

E is 15 weeks old today and I can't believe how fast it is going.  The first 8 weeks seemed to go by really slowly but these last 7 have flown by!  I can't believe he is almost 4 months old.  He's becoming more and more chatty and still loves his tongue.  He is also really starting to explore with his hands and seems to enjoy tummy time a bit more than he did before.

Today has been a bit rough for him, he is just a bit cranky.  I think this is due to the fact that it's getting more difficult for him to nap for more than 30 minutes.  I wish there was some kind of magic tool I could use to help him link his sleep cycles.  He would just feel better and more relaxed.  I just keep trying to help him and hoping that someday it will work for him.    Trying hard to be at my best for him.  :)

This isn't the most interesting post but again, just a place for me to write down my thoughts.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

New to this-

I am not a writer.  My sister is a writer and my husband is wonderful with words, I am not.  But I wanted a place to write down the moments we are having with our son and a place to put my own thoughts about this experience.  I don't expect to ever have anyone read this besides me.

I have now been a mom for 3 months and 1 week.  It's hard to remember what life was like before E arrived.  It feels as if he's always been with us.  I didn't know what to expect when we started on this adventure.  I just new that my husband and I loved our life and couldn't wait to expand our family with a baby.  This may sound stupid but it is way harder and way more amazing than I ever imagined.

I thought I new what love was when I fell in love with Jarrod.  He has made me feel whole.  I immediately felt safe in our relationship and that I could conquer anything that was put in front of me with his support.  Then when we had E and we made it through the first weeks of his life and my baby blues, I fell in love with this perfect creature.  I truly feel like I now know what love is because of him.  When he smiles and laughs it feels as if everything is perfect in this world.  All I want is for him to be happy and healthy.  I feel a little crazy in how I would go to the extreme to ensure his happiness.  I think motherhood makes you a little crazy or crazier than you were previously.  Is it the change in hormones and your body chemistry?  Is it the intense experience of carrying this bundle for 9 months and feeling as if a part of you is out in the world and vulnerable?  I'm not sure.  Maybe you are just crazed with the love you feel.

E is an amazing boy.  He is very laid back so far, which is complete opposite to his father and I.  He has been getting up just once at night since about 6 weeks.  He does pretty good with his naps.  Our biggest challenge has been trying to get him to nap for more than 30 minutes in his crib.  Today he actually did 2 hours in his crib which was phenomenal!  He has really taken an interest in his hands these last 2 weeks and is really starting to grab things and bring them to his mouth.  It is beyond thrilling to watch him learn new things and develop his motor skills!

I return to work at the end of the month.  I am not looking forward to this.  I have very serious issues with having someone else care and comfort my baby.  Unfortunately we as a family need me to work as well for the time-being.  We'll see how this goes.